In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
