4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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