Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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