I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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