Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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