I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
