Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
