So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
