Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my being single is dangerous.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
