She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
