She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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