I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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