Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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