Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish my penis had a tongue
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
