It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
