i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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