been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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