we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
