I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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