I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We're too hungover to prance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
