I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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