oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
