I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
