Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
