I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
