I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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