so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dignity is for republicans.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
