I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My cat gives me a boner
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
