i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
