I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
