im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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