Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
