so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
