Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
