Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
