when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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