after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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