You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
