dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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