If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
