My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
