I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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