it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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