I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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