You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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