can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
