naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
