I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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