How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
