My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
