hotel room ftw
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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