I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
