Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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