Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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