i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
