just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You pole danced in your parka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
