If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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