laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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