at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
