I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
