I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
