I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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