Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's always time for handjobs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
