My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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