I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
