She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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