There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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