I puked a lego.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
