Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
