i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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