Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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