Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize