dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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