Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Success! We fucked roommates!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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