Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
