We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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