you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
