I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
