Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
