Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
