chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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