ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
