Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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