Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
